Between Two Worlds

Where I Find My Strength

May 8, 2010 at 10:00 am (Blogging, Deployment, Faith, Money, School)

Strength was never something I excelled at. In fact, I’m quite weak when it comes to lifting, moving, pushing, pulling, etc. I rely heavily on other people for these types of things. But my emotional and spiritual state often takes quite a different form. I’ve been told that I’m strong, can carry myself well in difficult situations. That I remain calm when things are spinning out of control. I jump into “crisis mode” and the adrenaline, while making my heart race, keeps me calm and focused. But all that has nothing to do with me.

And now, a story.

A few years ago, some friends of mine were looking to start a worship band. Worship on our campus was inconsistent at best, and they were hoping to fill a void which had appeared. I happened to walk by as they were planning all of this out. Diana would play guitar, Laura would be on drums (she was, after all, a percussianist… how different could it be?). Joe had never played an electric guitar, but he’d get used to it quickly. Will was willing to play an instrument as well. He played basically everything but piano. And then I walked by. “Jenny, you play guitar, don’t you?” Very poorly. “Perfect! You’ll play bass!” Will, despite playing bass very well, was going to play keys.

And so it was decided. Nothing made sense. We had no place to practice, no drum set to use. I didn’t own a bass. Joe was borrowing Diana’s electric guitar. Will had never played keys in his life. Laura had taken drum lessons for a year or so in middle school. But we knew that this is what God was calling us to. And so we went for it.

After about a week of practicing, we sat down and spent some time in the Bible together. And God led us straight to 2 Corinthians 12:5-10.

On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Turns out Will can play keys really well. And Joe loves the electric guitar. Laura’s got the thing for rhythm, and Diana’s organization and vision made us function well together. I even picked up the bass pretty quickly. But the whole time, we knew that none of this was from us. We shouldn’t have been able to get together at a church in town (where we got permission to practice in a fluke run-in) and whip out a song in a few hours. But we did. Because God wanted it that way.

Through that experience, I learned that my strength doesn’t actually exist. Every morning, when I pull myself out of bed and face the day, I am acutely aware of the fact that I am weak and helpless. That I can’t do any of on my own. I cannot face watching Nick walk away from me on my own strength. But when I am weak, and when I let God live through me, then I am strong. As I continually give up my rights, my dreams, my ideals and trade them in for the will of God, I find that strength comes naturally, not from within or from the world, but from the Spirit of God living inside of me. My strength is supernatural in origin. And that makes me unstoppable. And you unstoppable, if you’ll let the Spirit move!

This post is part of the Wives of Faith Spring Blog Carnival!